I love the Love & Logic method. I love the idea of letting our children make lots of decisions, experience natural consequences, and generally learn to be responsible on their own. I’ve read Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood and really loved most of the advice I found in the book, and even try to implement some of it in our daily lives. Every child is different—as is every parent—and I will forever maintain that no single method is perfect for every child; it’s important for every family to make adaptations for their own needs.

That said, I was really interested in learning more about the Love & Logic method, so I picked up Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility, hoping to discover some more keen insights and ways to help my daughter continue to grow as a critical thinker.

Boy was I disappointed.

The first Love & Logic book I read really sufficed; this one, which does have some great practical tips, was a mess. First of all, it was filled with references to the Bible—it even contained quotes from the book—which immediately turned me off. Normally if a book does that without quotes from other sources or other faiths, I’ll close it and not continue. But I really wanted to learn more, so I kept reading (unfortunately).

This text instructs parents to not follow their guts.

Wow. The authors even warn that this point will "rub some parents the wrong way."

Since this book was written by two men, my feminist gut instincts are making me think that perhaps they’re afraid of intuition—the same kind of intuition that has saved my life and the life of my child, and the lives of plenty of other children throughout history. Every time I’ve acted out of intuition when caring for my child, my younger sisters, and children I’ve babysat, the results were spot-on—while every time I’ve gone against my gut, I’ve deeply regretted it. Snake bites, death, warranted trips to the emergency room, even my pregnancy itself have all had positive outcomes because of gut feelings that were acted upon.

The authors backtrack and argue that this can work if you grew up with a happy childhood. Well, again, that doesn’t work for me; I was a pretty happy kid for a few years, even despite being abused at a day care center; but then, overburdened with the responsibility of caring for my siblings, taking all advanced courses (and college courses in high school), working a full time job, taking care of our home, and running several school organizations simultaneously all before my senior year of high school, I was the exact opposite of what a responsible kid should be—exhausted, depressed, burned out, and unhappy. But my gut still worked—and still does--and boy was I responsible. 

The authors also maintain that kids with a positive self-concept are the most responsible. This is also the opposite of what I’ve experienced. Not only was I completely unconfident, living a life of self-hatred and guilt of “not being enough,” doing over half of what I did out of fear and desire to please my mother and teachers—most of the “overachiever” kids I hang out with were similar. And then there were plenty of kids with very high opinions of themselves, who were told they were special over and over again by their doting parents, who thought that everything should be handed to them on a plate their whole lives.

Not only did I go to school with these people, I’ve actually worked—even supervised—plenty of them, and I honestly have no idea how they’re going to make it on their own in the world. A positive self-concept most emphatically does not entirely translate to a sense of responsibility—and the reverse simply does not automatically secure a life of sloth, either.

The book also indicates that children of “helicopter parents” make bad spouses—which is a pretty lofty claim to make, considering how many parents kiss their kids’ boo-boos. There’s also a claim that being beat up by the neighborhood bully teaches a great lesson—I never thought that I’d read the promotion of violence as a teaching agent in a parenting book.

I am simply disgusted with the methods the authors used for their points. It’s very sad, too, because many of the points they make are valid. I’d really hate for parents to get the wrong message from their “words of wisdom,” or to turn away from the Love & Logic method itself, which, without the ridiculous explanation and examples provided in this text, does have merit.